shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
