Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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