was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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