Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
