Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
