Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
