So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
