Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
