Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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