Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
