bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize