Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
