so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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