im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
