Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
