In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
