He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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