Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
