the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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