Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
