I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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