Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
