these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
