i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
