elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
