Can i not drive my cunt home
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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