I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
