I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
