Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
