Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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