end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
