So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
