you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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