Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
