Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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