Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
