i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
