Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
