He passed out mid-signature
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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