Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
