I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
