The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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