Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
