im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
