VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
