You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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