DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
