Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
