So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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