After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize