Pappa wants mamma naked
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
