i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
