i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
