ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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