Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
