Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
