There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
