I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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