Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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