I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
