she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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