I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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