Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Damn victory sex feels great
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
