Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
