Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
