I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize