We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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