coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
