i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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