New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
