I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
