Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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