Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
