I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
