I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
